Kathleen On The Scene: 01-26-07

Editors Note: Kathleen On the Scene, our Ace Pop Culture Girl Reporter is unavailable to submit her column this week. The CPC has been informed that Kathleen is ill from eating too much cotton candy at the Arlington Heights Winter Wonderland Festival, this week. Her mother assures us that Kathleen's recovery will be swift. She has also graciously agreed to cover the column for Kathleen this week. The CPC welcomes the temporary column, "Ruth-Anne On The Scene."

Well, hello there, CPC Readers and Everyone else! Ruth-Anne Sanger-Ormsby here and I am really thrilled as punch to be writing this column for Kathleen, while she's sick from all that cotton candy. My poor baby is on the couch right now, watching the Disney Channel and making up a list of sandwiches that she wants for lunch while she's sick! Today, I think that she's going to ask for Tuna Fish, so I better get crackin' on makin' that soon. She loves wheat bread with Tuna Fish, but prefers white bread with bologna or peanut butter and jelly. Teenage girls! They sure are a handful, aren't they?

You might be surprised to hear that this isn't my first time writing an article for someone before. When I was the secretary with Huffard-Milken in the early 1980's, one of my jobs was to write a regular column in the Huffard-Milken Gazette, which was what we called the in-company news-letter. I had a monthly column called, "The Wit and Wisdom of Ruth-Anne Morton-Sanger." (This was before I met and married Kathleens current stepdad, Mr. Ormsby. I was married to my second husband, Larry Sanger, at the time. Gosh, That was a mistake! I am very happy with Mr.Ormsby now.)

In my column, I would write some funny story about something that I had seen around the office or some bit of gossip that was going around. The only rule that I had to follow, was that I had to tie it all into something to do with shoe inserts, since that's what Huffard-Milken manufactured. At the end of each column, I would include what I called a Short Meditation. Something to think about, for that month. What I didn't tell anyone was that I copied them directly out of my Chicken Noodle For the Secretary's Heart, Daily Calendar! Ha ha! Nobody ever figured that out! Pretty smart for this old gal, wasn't it?

Anywhoodles, Charlie Paige tells me that Kathleen does these weekly columns on what's hot and what's not in the pop culture! While I have to admit that I don't watch the Entertainment Tonight or read any of Kathleens magazines, I think I have a pretty good feel for the pulse of the nation! I think I'm a pretty cool mom! I bet this is going to be a snap! Here we go!

IN: Using the Internet.
OUT: Watching the Tv.

IN: Jon Stewart (wow! So cute!)
OUT: Dan Rather (where is that guy these days?)

IN: Sting's newest album.
OUT: That trashy music that Kathleen plays well after her bedtime.

IN: Having my son, Jeremy, load my songs for me on my new ipod.
OUT: Having him take off all the nasty rap songs that he puts on there for a joke. (Ha ha, Jeremy!)

IN: Sweaters
OUT: Capri Pants and Sandals.

IN: Baking Sugar Cookies and Peanut Butter cookies.
OUT: Baking Pumpkin Pies and holiday cookies.

IN: Watching CSI:Las Vegas at night curled up in bed with Mr. Ormsby.
OUT: Watching "The View" when I could be doing more productive things, like finally cleaning out the hallway closet.

IN: Teenage Charge Card Accounts at the Mall.

OUT: Doing chores for allowance.

IN: Going over to your friends house when you want to play or something.
OUT: Hassling your mother for a pink, cell-phone for your birthday!

IN: Dressing up like some sort of hootchie-mama for school.
OUT: Dressing like a well-mannered young lady.

Oh gosh, I have to go, gang! Kathleen is yelling for me from the living room and my son, Jeremy wants to play his video games on the family computer. I'll let him check my spelling and send this column off for me to Charlie at the CPC. I have a feeling that someone is hungry for a tuna fish sandwich.

Before I go though, I do want to leave you with this one bit of wisdom from the Chicken Soup for a Mothers Soul. I find it to be inspirational.

"The greatest gift that a mother can give is her H.E.A.R.T. That stands for her Help, Empathy, Attention, Reassurance and Time." - Anonymous

PS. MY MOM IS TOTALLY GAY!